My Mommy Diary 4.14.12

what i'm currently thinking about motherhood...

I didn't sing to my baby tonight, I let the ipod do it.  And I'm feeling a little guilty.  I mean I was thinking, gosh, I should be singing to him right now...I love singing...why am I not singing?!?  What's the big deal? Nothing really, but I always thought I'd be a mom who sang to her child all the time, and certainly at bed time.  But I was just too tired, and usually am.  Jeff and I joke that we have been living zombies for the last 10 months.  Wesley is a horrible sleeper (and that's a topic for another time), so Jeff and I rarely get a good night sleep, leaving us tired   all   the   time!!  Its almost comical the expectations I had for motherhood...what I thought it would be like, or I would be like.  It would be comical, if I weren't so tired.  So much of motherhood is different than what I expected...I mean at 10 months I expected to have a child who slept through the night!  I remember telling Jeff about one week into this adventure, "Wow, our world has been rocked!" In that moment, I also apologized to the universe for how judgmental I had been towards other moms I knew.  But I also don't think I expected motherhood to be as amazing as it is, i mean, I expected it to be great, i just don't think you can imagine how great until you are there.  I think I say a million times a day how cute my Wesley is.  And he already has me laughing out loud, whether its his new little chuckle, or him trying to feed me or stick his pacifier in my mouth.  I mean, you just can't dream this stuff up.  Motherhood is hard and awesome, but you can never know how it will be till your there. And there is a certain beauty to that.  I can't wait for the next 20 years to see how all my expectations will be blown to pieces.     


  1. Oh Jess,
    Thanks for being so honest and humble in this post...I share the same feelings--amazement at the wonder and sleep deprivation that new motherhood has ushered into my life. Now I know why Jeff posted that comment on my page a while back. So, from one zombie mommy to another---here's a big hug, a high 5, and a lil' encouragement to keep up your spirits during this hard, yet awesome job! love ya much...and maybe one day soon we'll get more than 3hrs of sleep at a time!

  2. Girls! SO been there. One year of zombie-ness (um, tell the next one(s) come along...) feels like forever, but my first baby will be 8 in two weeks! So sorry he's not a sleeper...but keep asking for help and giving help in return when you can. Elizabeth asked to sleep over at Grandma's tonight!! She's getting soooo big! Motherhood is unbelievably hard and brings out both the best and worst, eh? BUT...we are changing the world...with His help.

    1. Thanks Libby! Its good to hear from an experienced mama that this is just a season, and one we will miss once its gone. I remember my sister in law telling me that she and my brother spent 8 years with a baby in their bed (3 kids) and now that they are all in their own rooms, she misses it.